I was having a rough day.... honestly, I can't remember the exact details why, but it was just a rough day.... I wasn't feeling very positive and I was beating myself up. I know this might come as a shock to you, but I really don't have it all together.
I've gotten lazy in many areas of life. Neglecting things that shouldn't be neglected.
My spiritual life was one of them.
Shocking, I know... I mean, I am a pastor's wife afterall. Shouldn't that be the one area I always have together?
Well.... I don't. I may be the only pastor's wife who doesn't always have that area together, but it's true. I struggle with finding the time to sit quietly at my Lord's feet. To soak in Him and His word. The children need me. Their education is up to me. My husband needs me. The house is always needing attention. I have piano students who need me. Friends who need me. The list goes on and on....
Let me just tell you, when you allow God to work in your life, be prepared for Him to show you all kinds of ugliness.... like how lazy you've became and how your priorities are out of whack. Praise the Lord, though, because even though He reveals all of this to you, He doesn't just abandon you. He equips you with everything you need to put your priorities back in line- starting with HIM.
Anyway.... So, there I was, having a rough day. Feeling sorry for myself. Beating myself up. When I heard Him calling me.... Drawing me gently to Him and His word. The first thing I came to was Jeremiah 29:11.
"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."
Words cannot describe the feeling that flooded my soul when I got to the "thoughts of peace". Peace. Oh what a delightful though. I wasn't feeling peace earlier. I was feeling everything but peace. But this reminded me that I'm not some big, giant disappointment to the Lord. But instead, He has great things in store for me. I just needed to draw near to Him.
If you read my post the other day, the one about my drug of choice, you will know that I typically turn to food instead of God. The book Crave by Lysa Terkurst pretty much talks about how we were designed to crave.... but not to crave food, but God. Yeah, well, I pretty much always ignored the God part of those cravings.... But not now. I'm working on overcoming those ugly addictions to food and to start viewing food as nourishment. To start turning to God instead of food. To celebrate in other ways besides with food. I know that my outward appearance is a direct reflection of my inward appearance (future post) and I'm finally to the point where I'm hearing Him loud and clear.
So now, I'm clinging to the verse in Jeremiah when I'm tempted to hate myself because I screwed something up, or because I'm sad, or for whatever other reason.... The Lord..... My Father.... HE doesn't think these things of me, so why should I? His thoughts are of peace- and not evil- for me....
Much needed peace.