Tuesday, November 18, 2014

My Drug Of Choice

I bet the title got your attention, didn't it?

Well, it's time for me to come clean..... and trust me, it isn't an easy thing to say. You see, by me admitting this, I'm putting it out there for the WHOLE WORLD TO SEE (or at least any of the world who reads my blog). I'm being real. Vulnerable. And it's a pretty scary thing to do.

But I'm also realizing that it's only when this is out there, when I've been real, when I've laid it all out..... that is when the healing can begin.

The healing from addiction.

The addiction I know I'm not the only one who struggles with.

The addiction of food.

I like to self-medicate with food. I like to celebrate with food.

Food is my drug of choice.

Ouch! Anyone else?

For the longest time (I'm almost 32 and I'm just now seeing this.....), I never viewed it that way. Sure, I knew I had problems with food. I knew I misused it. Abused it. I struggled with eating disorders as a teenager. I struggle with different eating disorders as an adult.

Sure, I heard what everyone would say.... that your outward appearance was a reflection of your inward appearance (future post).... and that the Bible said  that my body should be a living sacrifice, acceptable to God... Romans 12:1... I could tell just by looking at myself in the mirror that I wasn't healthy. Or happy.

But you know what.... when I felt sad, I found comfort in a tub of Ben & Jerrys... At least for a little bit. Before the guilt showed up. When I heard exciting news, I would want to go out to eat at the Mexican restaurant and then bake cookies for dessert- all to celebrate. And the food would add to the happiness. For a time.....

It's only been here lately that I'm seeing it. I'm seeing that all these years I have been using food.... as a drug.

Now, don't get me wrong- there is nothing wrong with going out to celebrate! And there is nothing wrong with Ben & Jerrys (ok, so it isn't healthy, but you get the point). The problem isn't the food.

The problem has never been the food.

It's been me.

With Christ's help, I am going to start battling this addiction.... I'm going to start letting God guide me- and my choices- and equip me with the ability to view food as fuel, not as a drug. Not as a mood enhancer. Not as the only way to celebrate. I fully believe that with Christ's help- with the help found in His word- through prayer- that I can get to the point where food no longer controls me. Food was designed to nourish.... and there has been a series of things that have really re-enforced this point.

So.... step one for overcoming an addiction to food is: admitting that you have a problem.

Stay tuned to see how God used Jeremiah 29:11 to speak to me....


Angie Abella said...

Hey, you just did the most important step in the whole process! Nothing helps until the admission of a problem, right?

You can beat it, and with Christ you can! One day at a time. :)

This is coming from a 37 yr old food addict who had other addictions too, that with Christ were healed. :)

Praying for you!

reststopforthesoul.com said...

Thanks for sharing your heart and being real. Your blog post title got my attention as I was scrolling down the different ones on Inspired Bloggers. God bless you on your journey of recovery!

Terri Presser said...

What a wonderful,scary set up have taken but may you be blessed because of it. You are right, the food isn't the problem it is us. Thank you for sharing at Good Morning Mondays. Blessings.

Terri Presser said...

I meant to say what a step you have taken (sorry for the misspelling in my last comment).
This post was my favourite at Good Morning Mondays and I have featured you. thanks for linking up. Blessings


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